BatBoy Blogs The Politico III: Die Flederhaus

Note from BatBoy: Sorry this is late I only just got back to The Ronald Reagan Presidential Library and Museum Store a couple hours ago and so haven't  had a chance to sit down or write blog about nothing yet

Mrs Noonan explained it all to me.

Mrs Noonan told me that The Politico was so successful she said because it was so useful, and wasn't that The American Way and I said yes.

She said that The Politico was very good at generating "news" which she said was interesting stories.

Mrs Noonan said The Politico did this by "exploiting anonymous sorcerers" and I don't know what exploiting means but in the old country if somebody knew your name that meant that they would have power over you and so the anonymous sorcerers were always the more powerful because nobody had their name so i'm not sure that exploiting them whatever that is would be a good idea but I guess they can't be too mean what with The Politico being so successful and useful and all.

Then Mrs Noonan said that it was necessary for me to fly across the country to the Offices of The Politico, which were in Virginia, right next to Washington D.C. which was the capitol of the whole United States of American Way

I tried to tell Mrs Noonan that I had rather stay here at The Ronald Reagan Presidential Library and Museum Store Complex but Mrs Noonan said that I had to go because it was imperative she said that I meet Mr Simon, and that I must be on my best behavior when I met him because Mr Simon was very important in fact she said that Mr Simon was The Sine Qua Non which Mrs Noonan told me meant that Mr Simon was The Without Witch of Nothing and I dont know what he does but that sounded pretty spooky to me.

Mrs Noonan told me that I should keep my eyes and ears open and keep writing blogging about what I see and that The Sargent would escort me to the plane.

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The airstrip at The Ronald Reagan Presidential Library and Museum Store Complex is on a big flat space just past the Air Force One Exhibit. When I got there I saw a big plane on the runway. It was the biggest plane i've ever seen. Bigger even than the Air Force One which Lady Nancy said is just a replica, and it doesn't have the ball turrets or missile racks for what she said were obvious reasons.

The Sargent drove right around the back of the plane, and there was a big ramp and The Sargent drove the car right up the ramp into the back of the plane. Inside it was big like a cave. The Sargent got out of the car and talked to some big men standing there who were dressed like The Sargent. Then he came and told me to get out of the car and he said these guys here, meaning the men dressed like The Sargent, are gonna take care of me on the trip.

He had to yell a little because the plane was so loud inside it made my ears hurt but one of the men said dont worry about that and they put these funny earmuffs over my ears so I couldn't hear much and then so I wouldn't be scared because of the plane flying really high they put a black bag over my head.

Which I guess they were being polite but it would have been easier if I could see where I was going because then we walked a long way in the plane and then we turned and walked up some stairs and through a door. The men sat me down on the floor and I could feel their bootsteps as they walked away.

I guess I got kinda scared because I didn't want to be alone in the big plane which just then started moving and all of a sudden I could smell and sorta hear a bunch of other people around me in the dark plane and they all smelled really scared too so that made me feel better.

Now I know that The United States of American Way is a big country, because it sure takes a long time to fly across.

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Anyways I fell asleep and must of slept a long while because when I woke up the plane wasn't moving and someone was helping me out the door and helping me down the stairs and through the plane. Whoever it was sure wanted to get out of the plane right away because they were helping me along pretty quick

I stubbed my toe and fell over but but whoever was helping me just rolled me down the ramp where another nice person helped me stop with his boot.

The people put me in a truck or van and it was just a short ride to where they helped me out

When they took off my hood I was in a big slanted parking lot, in a big building made of slanted parking lots. The men who were dressed just like The Sargent were talking to a man who was dressed like a butler but he had a sea-captain's hat on his head. He came over and looked at me and said Jesus! he said here kid, put this on and handed me a hat.

I told him my name wasn't Jesus but I put on the hat. It was neat. It was bright orange, and it had flaps on the ears just like Sherlock Holmes.

My ears made the flaps stick up funny but Captain Butler also gave me a cool pair of sunglasses which must of made me look cool.

Anyways we got in a long car and drove out onto the street. The buildings were really big and made of stone, there were people everywhere and I pretty much twisted my head around trying to see everything at once until Captain Butler said I should stop because people in other cars were starting to notice he said, and did I have any idea how rare that was in Washington D.C.?

The long car with me in it pulled up in front of a real big building, Captain Butler got out of the car and let me out, then we walked up to the door of the building. There was a man standing there dressed like a bandleader, except he was wearing a sea-captain's hat too!

Captain Butler told Captain Bandleader that I was going up to the offices of The Politico. Captain Bandleader turned and kind of waved his hand and a younger guy came outside and I had to laugh because the young guy had a hat on like a circus monkey. When I laughed, the monkey-hat guy was staring at me like I was gonna eat him even though I've never hunted or fed on a monkey. Anyways Captain Butler left me there and Captain Bandleader poked monkey-hat guy with his elbow told him The Politico.

Monkey-hat guy and me walked into the building which was the fanciest place i've ever seen outside of The Official VIP Reception Area of The Ronald Reagan Presidential Library and Museum Store. I can't see everything at once and anyways we're already walking through a moving door into a big box where there's a second Monkey-Hat guy! They're both looking at me now and i'm just about to say that I never hunted or fed on any monkeys when the box starts to move and now I can't help it i'm going skreeeeeeeee skreeeeeeeeee under my breath and both of the monkey-hat guys are on the other side of the moving box and they're still pushing buttons and trying to stand behind each other when the box quits moving and the door opens. One of the monkey-hat guys pointed out and I walked out into this big room.

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Standing there by the moving box are two people, a man and a lady. The man took a step at me and he said you have to be BatBoy and I can't argue with that and he said he was Mr. Grim but he was smiling and had glasses and brown hair.

Mr. Grim was standing by the lady and I thought she was probably an anonymous sorceress but Mr. Grim said that she was a professor and that her name was Ann Oldhouse which in the old country would be spelled Oldhaus but I don't care even if I had power over Professor Ann Oldhaus because I think she is neat.

Professor Oldhaus smiles a lot, even when she doesn't have to! Professor Oldhaus has a small picture above her head just like a t.v. screen. Inside the t.v. screen is another, smaller, Professor Oldhaus. In the little t.v. picture, Professor Oldhaus is very happy and pretty.

She said how do you do, and smiled at me really big, like maybe she was hungry, but I could tell from the color in her face that she hunted and fed pretty regular.*

She said we have to have lunch some time, and then she and Mr. Grim got into the movable box with the monkey-hat guys, who still looked nervous for some reason.

I turned and walked up to a nice lady at a big desk, and she pushed a button on her desk and said to Mr Simon that his ten-o'-clock was there and I tried to tell her I didn't have a clock but she just pointed to where a door was opening.

It was a pretty big door and when I walked through it I was in a room big enough for Air Force One, and a man sitting at an even bigger desk than the one outside said come in come in, he said, my name is Roger Simon, and I was in a room alone with The Without Witch of Nothing.

Well, they're closing down now at The Ronald Reagan Presidential Library and Museum Store so I guess this will have to be continued. If The Invisible Hand of the Market doesn't get out of The Free-Enterprise Zone and run amok through The James Watt Memorial Sawmill and Coal Slurry, next time I'll tell you about my adventures with The Without Witch of Nothing.

* Update by BatBoy: Professor Oldhaus wrote to remind me that this is not the old country, and people here do not spell like the old country and further Professor Oldhaus does not know who is writing the headlines for my blog-posts but that he or she is certainly not giving Professor Oldhaus any reason to think that he or she is writing these headlines in a spirit of good faith and bipartisanship and also that the chipmunk probably would have died anyway.

Comments

[Dick Durata]

Didn't I see you at the supermarket?

[Ben]

Skreeeeeeee.